I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
