Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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