Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
