its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
