I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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