I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
