I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.