so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
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It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?