That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?