Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
a search helicopter?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.