another moral hangover. fuck.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
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I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.