Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
