It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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