this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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