fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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