first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
