Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
