I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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