if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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