i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
