did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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