So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
