I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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