No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
