I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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