i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
