that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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