i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
