Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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