When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
