when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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