just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
