HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
