New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just blew my weed a kiss
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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