you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
