I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
