Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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