The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
