I want to have your abortion
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
