hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
