I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
