I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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