I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
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oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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