I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just forgot I was standing up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
