At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
