so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
