I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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