he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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