I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
