Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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