Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
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i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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