every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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