just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
