How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
