so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're too hungover to prance.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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