You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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