she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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