my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
