My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
