It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
