get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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