Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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