She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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