Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
