guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
