i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
