I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
