god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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