So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
