Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
