i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
