Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
