I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
