you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
