I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
