i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
