The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You're earring is so big in my mouth
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
