I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
